And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
