We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
