I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
