Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
