the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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