I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
