Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
