my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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