Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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