Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
