so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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