So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
