You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
