Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
