Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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