for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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