she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
