is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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