Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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