Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
