I wanna bring you to show and tell
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
