i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
