Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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