I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
