I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
