Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
