giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
