what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
