I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
