I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
