Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
