you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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