Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
