Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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