I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
