Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
