three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
