apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
