New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
