What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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