How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
