So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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