Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
