Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
