I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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