Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
