Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
