i dont even know how to be here
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
