the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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