I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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