I faked an abortion last night.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
