i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We are all done wearing pants today
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
