can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
