Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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