There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
