yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
