Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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