im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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