When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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