I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
