Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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