im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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