Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How naked do you want me to be?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
