ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
