and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
