he puts the penis in happiness.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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